The Hamunaptra Chronicles: Ask an Adventurer

3/14/03: Session 3

Hello again! Today's letter is for Mr. Jonathan Carnahan.

Hey, Jonathan!

Why do you let everyone shove you around?! You're the coolest person, really, so why do you hang around with those losers??

Vicky

Hey, Vicky!

Amen to that, sister! Finally, someone who appreciates my genius! Day in and day out, I try to provide humor and entertainment for these people, and they brush me aside like I’m the eleventh plague. I really don’t see why that is. It’s not as if I’m some kind of drunken, gambling, lying, thieving and generally irresponsible fool who cares more about treasure than my own life. Well, actually, I am, but that’s not the point. Only Alex seems to think I have merit. Poor boy, I’ll probably land him in prison at some point.

As for why I hang around with them, well, you know, they are my family. “Blood is thicker” and all that. And, sad as it may seem, they’re probably the best friends I’ve got. After all, how many people do you know who would let you live in their enormous house free of charge, even when you basically spend half of their savings? Come to think of it, it doesn’t say much for their intelligence, really. I mean, instead of paying them rent, they are paying me to live in their house! Pretty nice, eh? As if that’s not incentive enough to put up with them, they save my life all the time! I mean, let’s face it, every time we turn the corner around here there’s some kind of nasty undead creature standing right there, ready to suck out our innards and rearrange them as it sees fit. And then there’s the matter of those scary Medjai and human minions with their fancy swords and guns, firing at anything that moves or even imperceptibly twitches. And although I may not show it, I’m not the bravest guy out there. So having one extremely skilled gunfighter for a brother-in-law and a reincarnated Egyptian princess for a sister can be a very handy thing. It’s like having your own personal bodyguards who begrudge your very existence and protect you even though it’s not in their best financial interest!

Well, I’ve just remembered that the others will probably be reading this letter. Just kidding! I love you guys! Eh heh heh…heh.

Thanks for the smashing letter!

Best wishes,

Jonathan

Jonathan, how many times do I have to slap you before you learn your manners?

Three-hundredth time's the charm, honey. By the way, Jonathan, your stuff's at the curb.

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