The Hamunaptra Chronicles: Ask an Adventurer

7/6/03: Session 6

Two Ask an Adventurers three days apart! I know, it's craziness, but I must make up for lost time. Here we go!

Hi! I have a question for Rick O'Connell.

For what horrible crime were you about to be hanged? Thanks.

Alex (not that one)

Hi, Alex.

Well, uh, that’s a very interesting question, and I’m not sure how many details I’m willing to disclose here. Let’s just say I had one too many drinks and thought I’d have some fun with one of the locals. Somehow it seemed I insulted him, although I can’t imagine how, and we had a bit of a brawl in the middle of the bar. Eventually nearly everyone around us joined in (I don’t think anyone had been sober for years in that place), I got slammed into a flame-lit lamp on the wall, and next thing I know, the whole bar is in flames. This turned out to be a rather large offense in Cairo. Hope that stems your curiosity, because I’m not sure I should elaborate any more in this particular company.

Thanks for writing,

Rick

I don't think I've been this disgusted since the day we first met.

I say, old chap, you left out the part where you "saved" that belly dancer from the burning pub and...

That's enough, Jonathan!

Here is our next lovely letter for several recipients.

This is for Rick or Evelyn O'Connell (or for anyone else who has a good answer).

What would be the best way to get to Hamunaptra from, say, Thebes? Would good ol' fashioned camels be enough, or would you wanna get some of that helicopter action? How long do you think it'd take to get there?

I apologize for asking so much but I have one more inquiry to make. Imhotep, dude. Have you ever thought of using Turtle wax on that cue-ball of yours? ^_^ You could fell your enemies with just the glare!

~ TFB

Dear TFB,

What an excellent question! Well, that is quite a distance, and while I think camels are the most ideal and romantic way to travel through the desert, it would probably take you several days. Also, helicopters are not a good idea, as I don't think there are any landing pads for them at all in Egypt. I would recommend finding someone with a dirigible -- try Izzy at Magic Carpet Airways! It was most convenient during our last trip through Egypt. Thank you for your letter!

Sincerely,

Evy

Evy, I'm afraid I can't allow you to make this person think that traveling through Egypt is in any way fun. You have a way of making things sound like a brochure. Sure, camels are cute if you squint at them in the noon-day Egypt sun, but even if they did move as fast as a helicopter and didn't smell like a giant, hairy pile of manure, there's the fact that your butt is numb for a week after riding them. And about the helicopter, TFB, I say if you've got one, use it! Just land it on top of some of those ruins, no ones using them anymore anyhow. And for the love of all that is good in this world, do not seek out Izzy and his dirigible. Getting on that thing is like signing a contract saying, "I don't care about my life, do with it what you will" -- you might as well climb into a sarcophagus with a hundred starving scarabs, you'd probably live longer.

Best wishes,

Jonathan

What is this obsession everyone has with my head? I realize it has no hair, I like it that way, and it is not to be mocked! I shall bring down the ten plagues upon you! Besides, Anck and I cannot figure out what this "cue-ball" word means.

Imhotep

Jonathan, I'm having a hard time deciding who to smack first, you or Rick.

I don't see what's hard about that decision at all!

I was simply being honest, isn't that some sort of virtue? And on another note, I think we should teach old Baldy how to play pool!

Previous | Next

Got a question? E-mail a Mummy character for all your solutions at: