The Hamunaptra Chronicles: Ask an Adventurer

7/12/03: Session 7

Yes, another Ask an Adventurer! What a crazy week, eh? Let's start with a letter for everyone's favorite warrior with facial tattoos, Ardeth Bay!

Dear Ardeth Bay,

I'd realllllly like to know your secrets to your pearly teeth, and the greasy hair. It would help solve a big mystery. Second of all, why are you so conceited?...YOU'RE NOT THE STAR OF THE MOVIE!! And lastly, how do you know when danger has come, do you have a magic book or something that tells you everything??

Sincerely,

Liz

Liz,

First, I wish to express that I am flattered by the number of "l's" you put in the world "really," expressing your ardent desire for information about yours truly. The glaring whiteness of my teeth is no secret. Although I hate to brag, I have excellent dental hygene. Living in the desert all my life, with nothing to do but fulfill my higher purpose of guiding the saviors of the world, I spent many a day simple brushing my teeth. I would brush and brush for full months at a time. This was very effective, as you can see. Concerning my hair, I'm afraid I do not quite understand you. My hair is not greasy at all. Rather, I apply maximum-hold styling gel each day to ensure that my hair keeps it's excellent sheen and body all day long. But what mystery will this information solve for you? While my handsome attributes must be very important in the grand scheme of things, they should be well known to everyone and therefore not a mystery. But perhaps such good looks do seem mysterious to...less fortunate individuals.

In response to your next question, I'm afraid I must modestly state that I am not in the least bit concieted.

Finally, my knowledge of future perils which you refer to is an innate sense that few are blessed with, and come from nowhere but my own mind.

May Allah smile upon you always,

Ardeth

........Wow.

Cripes, and I thought I had a big head!

Here's a letter for the happy couple.

Why is there so much bickering between you two recently? I might not be a psychologist but I would swear that there are a few underyling issues that you two have to work out. Please tell me that your marriage isn't over. As a shipper I kinda worry bout things like this.

Sailor Shipper

Defender of soul mates

Dear Sailor Shipper,

Thank you ever so much for your kind concern! But please don't worry about anything like that. Rick and I have had our share of disagreements in the past (normally as a result of his past, but let's not go there) -- but nothing we haven't been able to work out without maiming each other.

Which is good, because according to those visions Evy'd kill me one-on-one. But it's like she said, there's no worries there. I guess I don't quite know what you mean by "shipper," unless you're someone who ships...stuff. Uh, but anyway, whatever your concern is, it's unnecessary. Didn't you see the first movie? The whole thing basically consisted of me and Evy fighting, while Jonathan stole things and old Organ-eater sucked people's guts out. Yet somehow we moved on from that stage, which I think had something to do with Evy no longer reading out of books that invoke ancient curses.

Thanks for writing,

Rick

You see? We all have our little quirks that get on each other's nerves. Thank you for your letter!

Sincerely,

Evy

Oh, isn't that cute! By the way, speaking of Baldy, has he seen Pirates of the Caribbean? Those chaps with no skin reminded me of him, except their breath was probably better.

You shall perish, useless worm! I use Listerine!

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